Response to a Reaction

The combination of these two are simply emotional.

The video we saw on FB didn't have narrative it just showed the end clip. But listening to the narrative, I was able to relate. Like him, I was fat all my life and I was never a normal size.

I'm crying just writing this post because I am thinking about how I was never upset about my weight; that's the truth. I have been ashamed of taking off my shirt in public but that was the extent of my concern. I was ashamed of my body but I never let that feeling hinder me to accomplish my great feats and yes they were great!

I'm thankful and grateful for allowing myself to explore, and if I didn't...I probably would have weighed more and not have done the things I've done. I would probably be about 500 pounds, watching t.v. close minded, selfish and have a list of excuses to justify the lifestyle.

Thankfully that is not the case, but I've always said, "if I ever weigh 400 pounds I would kill myself." and I know I would. When I've made up my mind, it will happen and that's one thing that terrifies me. It is because of this nasty thought, that this decision to embark on a transformation is one of my major motivators that helps me to fight to combat this idea of suicide.

I don't want to kill myself, but all the times I have said things like that, "Its fine, I'll never be that size..." was just an excuse for me to stay the course of what I was comfortable with and stay the course to eventually gain weight. I was in denial and it was my excuse and I see that now, especially after watching this video.

I've been doing my best to work out and I've changed my diet. I'm in a transitional phase and don't know what to expect. I am giving my best and it has worked thus far; 44 pounds is a good amount to have lost. I know I can do more, but I'm not sure what more I can do but change up the exercise and diet so my body isn't used to it anymore. I also know that it will take time and I cannot rush things and if you know me, I don't like to rush things. I am double-check-triple-check kind of person. I am only thankful that I take measurements every week and track my food daily so I can measure to see where I can adjust.

With all that being said, I appreciate every person that has been involved on my journey and I applaud those who are on their journeys to better themselves physically and mentally, and to become the best version of the person they choose to be.

I'm not looking for any encouragement or anything like that because I already have it, I thought only to share because it left me emotionally shook.

And to those who are battling the fight against obesity and are 400+ pounds, I have no ill wishes or judgement toward that life style. I know the struggle you fight and I understand the complications because I have them too. But that you decide to make that change, you will love yourself for making that decision. If I never made the choice to fulfill my passion, I imagine my life to be smoking cigarettes and weed an ongoing addiction, alcohol everyday, and asking others for magnets from the places they have visited, so I can put it on my refrigerator and pretend to have traveled there. I am happy and grateful to not be living that kind of life, but in the back of my mind, if I slip back into my old habits, that can be a very real reality, and I don't want that. I have already had the pleasure to traverse this earth for nearly four decades, I would like to have more decades with a better version of me.

Here is the video that really hit and like I said before the combination of reactors story and Jared's narrative left me emotional and I thank them both being positive enforcer's that anything is possible.

#MINDSET #REFLECTION #PAIN #GROWTH #GRATITUDE